Affairs, Feasts, and Forbidden Scrolls — Rome’s Hottest Rumors Unrolled
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🍇 Scandal #1: Cleopatra & Caesar’s Afterparty
Word around the aqueduct is that Cleopatra was spotted sneaking out of Caesar’s villa long after sundown—wearing his laurel crown and laughing like she owned the Senate.
Eyewitnesses claim the feast ended with synchronized lyre karaoke and a goat painted gold.
Senate insiders call it “an international relations meeting.” We call it a sleepover.
🍷 Scandal #2: Brutus Seen with Rival’s Wife
Brutus has been spotted sharing olives with Antonia, the famously fiery wife of Senator Cato Minor.
Sources report the two were seen “laughing softly” in the shade of the Temple of Venus.
Olives don’t lie. And neither do lips covered in fig jam.
🔥 Scandal #3: Gladiator Influencer Caught Using Fake Scrolls
Rome’s favorite arena heartthrob Maximus Fabius, known for his daily ab workouts and inspirational quotes, is under fire for ghostwritten philosophies.
Fans uncovered that his scrolls were actually penned by a Greek intern named Theo.
His management insists, “He still wrote the hashtags.”
💍 Scandal #4: Vestal Virgin Flirts via Laurel Chain
A mysterious series of anonymous love notes—woven into laurel crowns—was traced back to Vesta’s High Priestess.
The recipient? A baker from Trastevere with “very nice arms.”
Rome is divided: religious betrayal or bread-fueled romance?
🛁 Scandal #5: Emperor’s Bath Leaks Private Conversations
Thanks to an unfortunate echo flaw in the imperial bathhouse, citizens lounging near the Forum claim they overheard Augustus complaining about toga chafing and mocking Cicero’s scroll formatting.
Builders insist the bath complies with gossip containment codes. Investigations are ongoing.
📜 What the Scrolls Say
🪶 “I’m not saying Brutus is a flirt, but his dagger isn’t the only thing he hides.” — Gossipa Senatrix
🪶 “Maximus Fabius is a fraud? Next you’ll say gladiators use makeup!” — Shocked Charioteer
🪶 “Can I get one of those laurel notes? Asking for a friend.” — Local Scribe
🧺 Spotted This Week
- Marc Antony at the Vestal bakery buying a “very large pretzel”
- Livia Drusilla exchanging side-eye with Julia the Elder
- Nero at a scroll-reading pretending to understand poetry
Final Thoughts from the Scroll Stand
The Forum’s walls may be made of stone, but its secrets are softer than a patrician’s pillow.
If you want to stay ahead of the scandal, always keep an ear open, a wax tablet handy, and never trust a smile over amphorae.
“History is written by victors. Gossip is whispered by everyone else.”
— Calpurnia Buzzina
Scandal never sleeps. And neither do I.