From Flaming Cities to Fashion Faux Pas — Rome Didn’t Always Get It Right
Everybody loves top 10 lists, but in our opinion, Rome only had seven epic fails. So here are the top 7 epic Roman fails that the modern emperor should try to avoid (et tu, Brute)
🧯 Fail #1: Nero and the Not-So-Lit Fire Safety Plan
In 64 AD, Rome caught fire. Nero allegedly played the lyre.
Lesson learned: Don’t mix musical ambition with poor urban planning.
Modern takeaway: If your office burns down while you’re making a TikTok, you’re not vibing—you’re Nero-ing.
🏔️ Fail #2: Hannibal’s Surprise Alps Party
Roman generals thought the Alps were impassable. Hannibal’s elephants disagreed.
The result? Panic, tusks, and a lot of very cold sandals.
Modern takeaway: Never underestimate a guy with a war elephant and a point to prove.
🤐 Fail #3: Brutus the Backstabber
Et tu, Brute? Caesar didn’t see it coming—despite Brutus looking shady for months.
Lesson: Sometimes your coworker’s “just a friend” energy is plotting your annual review demise.
Modern takeaway: HR should screen for dagger-wielding.
📉 Fail #4: The 47 Emperors in 50 Years Debacle
The 3rd Century Crisis featured more emperors than senators could keep track of. Some ruled for mere days.
Rome was basically swiping right on rulers and ghosting them the next morning.
Modern takeaway: Leadership changes are good—but maybe not every Tuesday.
💸 Fail #5: Inflation by Denarius Disaster
To fund wars and parties, Rome watered down its silver coins.
Soon a loaf of bread cost as much as a modest villa.
Modern takeaway: If your coin has tin, a goat, and your uncle’s face on it… your economy’s doomed.
🐦 Fail #6: The Carrier Pigeon Strike of 118 AD
Rome’s famed messenger pigeons went on strike after being fed moldy barley.
Result: Several lost scrolls, one missed chariot race, and a very confused consul.
Modern takeaway: Always feed your freelancers well.
🏛️ Fail #7: The Senate vs. TikTok (ScrollTok)
In an attempt to stay relevant, the Roman Senate commissioned a ScrollTok channel.
Highlights included Cicero lip-syncing and Augustus trying trend dances.
It ended when the Vestals unfollowed en masse.
Modern takeaway: Not every brand belongs on social media.
📜 Final Thoughts from the Rubble
For every Colosseum and aqueduct, there were flaming feasts, wild emperors, and sandals worn with socks.
Rome’s greatness? Undeniable. Its bloopers? Legendary.
“Those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it.
Those who do study it? At least get to laugh first.”
— Oopsius Maximus
Stay smart. Stay dry. And never trust a senator with a surprise toga party.