Celestial Wisdom from the Pantheon’s Finest
Are you sure that your star sign is really made for you? Were you born with the brand new Caesarian technique and brought to the world early under a wrong sign?
Before you read the horoscope, take our test to find out your true sign.
Aries ♈ – Mars Says: Fight First, Ask Later
This week, your passion burns brighter than Vesuvius. Channel it into battle, business, or beating your neighbors at dice.
🔻 Warning: Do not challenge your superior to arm wrestling. Especially if they’re wearing armor.
“Strike while the spear is hot.” — Mars
Taurus ♉ – Venus Says: Indulge, Darling
Love is in the forum—and so is that honey-glazed fig tart you’ve been eyeing.
💘 Time to treat yourself. Schedule a massage, buy new sandals, and maybe flirt with the baker.
“Luxury is self-care. Self-care is divine.” — Venus
Gemini ♊ – Mercury Says: Scroll Responsibly
You’re buzzing with ideas, gossip, and mixed signals. Communicate clearly this week or risk accidentally starting a civil war in your group scroll.
🪶 Double-check before sending that wax tablet.
“Words are wind—or weapons.” — Mercury
Cancer ♋ – Luna Says: Stay Cozy in Your Villa
This is a week to nest. Light a lamp, read a tragic poem, and politely decline every invitation to the arena.
🐚 Beware: Over-emotional senators may drain your wine supply.
“Feel deeply, but carry a backup amphora.” — Luna
Leo ♌ – Apollo Says: Take the Stage
Whether it’s public speaking or spontaneous lyre solos, you were born to be seen.
🔥 Just don’t burn the place down with your radiant confidence.
“If you’ve got it, hymn it.” — Apollo
Virgo ♍ – Ceres Says: Organize Your Grain Storage
Productivity levels are peaking. This is a perfect time to re-catalogue your spice jars or alphabetize your sacrifices.
🌾 Caution: Micromanaging your priest may lead to passive-aggressive prophecies.
“Order is the true offering.” — Ceres
Libra ♎ – Juno Says: Keep It Classy
You’re balancing everyone’s drama with the grace of a three-headed Roman scale.
⚖️ You may be pulled into relationship squabbles. Stay neutral and offer fashion advice instead.
“Elegance is power.” — Juno
Scorpio ♏ – Pluto Says: Embrace the Shadows
Your intensity could boil wine this week. Embrace it—mystery is your brand.
🖤 Consider disappearing mysteriously for a day or two. Just leave a cryptic poem behind.
“Transformation begins beneath the surface.” — Pluto
Sagittarius ♐ – Diana Says: Take a Hike (Literally)
The forest calls! Escape the chaos, run barefoot, and stare dramatically into the moonlight.
🏹 You’ll find answers in solitude—and possibly wild boars.
“Wander often. Aim true.” — Diana
Capricorn ♑ – Saturn Says: Work. Then Worry. Then Work More.
Set boundaries, write a 5-year temple plan, and frown thoughtfully.
🪨 Remember: being serious is sexy… to other Capricorns.
“Greatness is forged from stone and deadlines.” — Saturn
Aquarius ♒ – Neptune Says: Make Waves
You’re full of rebellious energy. Splash into new ideas, challenge the Senate, and throw a party underwater.
🌊 Just don’t flood your neighbor’s bathhouse again.
“Weird is wonderful.” — Neptune
Pisces ♓ – Bacchus Says: Pour Another
Let emotions flow like wine. You’re due for a night of poetry, dancing, and maybe questionable decisions under torchlight.
🍇 But don’t mix amphorae this time.
“Live fully. Remember selectively.” — Bacchus
Final Thoughts from the Astrological Scroll Stand
No matter what the stars say, remember: the gods are watching, but also extremely dramatic.
Take their advice lightly… unless it involves wine, flattery, or dramatic cloaks.
“Heed the heavens, but wear good sandals.”
— Astrologia Maxima
Certified by Jupiter himself (citation pending)